So you got the first date. Congrats! Now the big question… what the heck do you talk about?

 

I say this gently, if you are thinking about the above question you are already in the process of sabotaging your first date.

 

Wait, what?

 

You have begun the cycle. The cycle which can ruin the process of dating and mess up any potential connection that could develop. You are over thinking. Before you tell yourself this is basic information, keep reading. The coaching I do with men is never centered around some mythical idea or super secret strategy. It is about learning to relax, be yourself, and read the signals of the woman you are with.

 

When you are out with your friends you don’t ask yourself, “what am I going to talk about with them.” Why do you suppose this is? Two reasons:

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One, you know they won’t judge you because you are friends.

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Two, you have had previous experiences getting to know each other and you have confidence that the commonalities between you will make for ongoing conversation.

 

How can we apply this to a first date? You don’t know she won’t judge you, so you get inside your head, and you try and prepare so that you can avoid doing anything you think she might judge you for (an awkward silence, perhaps?). Let me tell you why this is the wrong frame of mind to operate from…

 

This shows you are SO invested in the outcome, you will do anything, including change how you might normally behave, to get this woman to like you and “approve” of you. Being invested in the outcome before you have even had a first date is operating from a place of scarcity. “I need this date to work out because I haven’t had a first date in years!!”

 

If you haven’t had a first date in years, that is okay. That doesn’t mean THIS date HAS to be the one that works out. In fact, feeling so desperate for the date to go well will only increase your anxiety, which will decrease your ability to act natural and be yourself. If you aren’t being yourself how will she come to like the real you?

 

Now for the second part, with friends, you know the commonalities between you will make for ongoing conversation, so you don’t worry about what to say with friends. How can we apply this to a first date. What commonality do you have with this woman? You haven’t met her before, or if you have, it’s never been in the setting of a date. What possible commonalities could you have with her…?

 

I am going to throw a curve ball here…

 

You
 

Are

 

Both

 

Human!

 

Try to stop looking to women as if they are out of reach, ethereal creatures that are worlds apart from yourself. Now, women and men are very very different in many respects. The way they think, their hormonal composition, the mind set they operate from. I could go on and on.

 

But when we are talking about first date stuff, initial introductions and when we are just first getting to know someone, men and women have a lot in common.

 

Talk about life! Focus on the environment.

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