Is She Using You?
In the friend-zone? She might be using you.
In the friend-zone? She might be using you.
First of all. Technically, everyone uses everyone. We only associate with the people that can give us something. Whether they give us a feeling of happiness, they give us a feeling of being loved, and some people are our sources of entertainment & fun. We may volunteer because it makes us feel good that we are giving back. Everyone gets something out of chosen interactions with others.
So what do I mean here, when I say "she might be using you"? I mean that she might be using you - but for a different purpose than YOU think!
You see, when she pushes you off when you try and kiss her, when she tells you she's not 'ready' for a relationship, or when she says, let's just be friends... YOU think that one day, if you stick around, and if you prove your worth, she will come around and see you in a romantic way. The problem is, most of the time, this won't happen. This is where the 'using you' part comes in. You see, she has it in her mind that you are her friend, and that's it. She knows this will never change for her.
Where does the 'using' come in?
She uses you when she wants to be entertained, and only calls you when she's bored.
She uses you when she ignores your phone calls because she's out with other guys who she is romantically interested in.
She uses you when she needs a ride somewhere and asks for your help.
You are used by her when...
*You call her and try to make plans and she doesn't answer, or can't give you a straight yes or no.
*She will ghost you for days, only to re appear again when it's convenient for her.
*She's always unavailable when you need a favor or a ride.
I hope you are understanding the point here.
I hear the men now,
"But Margaret, I am okay being there for her,
helping her out, I am okay being her friend."
You are selling yourself short. Staying in this one sided situation ship will keep you from the dazzling love life you deserve. It keeps you from finding the woman who wants you, who adores you, who is romantically attracted to you.
So what's the fix?
You need to be fiercely focused on only pursuing those women who show romantic interest in you. Pursuing a woman with the hope that she will change is not a good strategy. Besides, how compatible is a woman with you if you meet her and already are wanting to change her?
Why She Loses Interest...
1. She's Not enjoying herself
You're not connecting with her when you talk
Your dates do nothing to connect the two of you, maybe you're only talking about yourself
2. She Has Other Options
She's just putting her feelers out to start dating again but has a long term guy she's been seeing in the background
3. No Sexual Attraction
She might have lost the initial sexual attraction she had for you
It never developed in the first place and now you've become a friend in her eyes
4. She Doesn't Feel Understood By You
Not actually hearing what she is saying when she talks
Not doing the empathizing part of conversing with her, instead you're offering solutions, or fixes
She doesn't feel connected to you
You're only talking about yourself
Not asking about her world & life
5. Coming on Too Strong!
Being too eager too soon turns women off. Want to know why? Because if you're so eager before you've really gotten to know her she assumes you are like this will all women you date. No one wants that!
Constantly texting her. She's valuable which means she has a lot going on in her life, and a lot to do. "How's your day going" text messages are a waste of time!
Wanting to see her every single day. This indicates you don't have your own life, with your own valuable commitments.
6. She Legitimately Has Something Going on in Her Life
She is focused on work - in my personal opinion, this is an excuse. If someone is the right fit for us, 'work' is not going to get in the way. She may think this is the reason she's not seeing you again, but it's likely she's just not that into you. And that is OK! More time to spend with valuable ladies who ARE into you!
Initially she was invested and open to pursuing something with you, but something unexpected came up in her life. Who knows? Job stress, medical concern, sick relative? These things happen. Don't push her, if she is truly into you and something in life got in the way, she will find her way back to you when her time is right.
7. She Learned More About You
Ouch! Don't take this one to heart though. If she suddenly has pulled away, it could be she has learned more about you, your lifestyle, and your values and recognizes the two of you are just not a good compatibility match. Remember, this isn't the worst thing. Get back on that dating app and find someone who wants your time!
Women keep ‘score’ they keep track of the things they don’t like, and when these things reach a certain threshold, a certain amount she's out, she has decided its too many things and its not going to work.
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Does this sound familiar?
Spend tons of time crafting the perfect, thoughtful message, only for her to NEVER answer.
Wondering why she even gave you her number in the first place?
Feeling like all of the cute girls don't give you the time of day?
Blank out when approaching women?
Waiting around for her to finally notice your value?
Playing it safe as a friend in hopes she will see you romantically "one day"
Spending hours thinking about what you should or shouldn't have said?
Always being there for her, but never getting the same in return?