Your Top 5 burning questions about women answered!

 

Today’s blog post is going to be juicy! (If you’d prefer to LISTEN to this, click here!) I have questions from men just like you that were submitted to me, and I am going to answer them for you!

 

Let’s jump right in…

 

Question #1.

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Do I really need to go to the gym? I mean, she should like me for who I am.

 

I will break this question down into two parts. First...

 

Do I really need to go to the gym?

The easy answer is YES.

 

You NEED to go to the gym. Or I should say you need to be SWEATING multiple times a week. If you don't like the act of physically going to a gym, there are many other physical activities that you can do where you're sweating. You can play a sport, you can ride a bike, you can go running. If you're looking for help in the dating realm it’s especially good to actually go into a gym because you're around masculine energy, you're around men that focused on elevating themselves. They're building who they are. They're focused, and they're committed to living their best lives.

 

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Your physical health is just as important as your

social health.

 

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There is something about that camaraderie of entering a gym with other people who are working out. And there's also something about that commitment of getting in your car and actually going to the gym versus just doing a youtube video or lifting a few weights at home. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that. If that's where you need to start, great. But I think that making a commitment, buying that gym membership and going multiple times a week can be very empowering and help you grow!

 

So the second part of that question –

She should like me for who I am.

 

Absolutely. She should like you for who you are.

 

But here's the problem. When you first meet a woman, she has no idea who you are.

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Think about that for a second. She has no idea your values. She has no idea how well you may treat her or may not. She has no idea.

 

You know your heart and your soul. She has no idea. Your drive.

 

She has no idea.

 

Your success. She has no idea. Your potential. She has no idea how our relationship may come to develop between the two of you. And it could be the most amazing thing she's ever experienced.

 

So you want to give yourself the best shot.

 

Also, let me point out something very important. When you're going to the gym, when you're sweating, when you're exercising, when you're playing tennis, when you're mountain biking, when you're jogging, when you're sweating, you are changing your brain chemistry in a positive way. You you're getting happy chemicals in your brain that are changing the way you feel about yourself.

 

They are increasing your happiness levels.

They are decreasing your your depression levels.

They are making you feel more energized.

 

Working out helps to get you out of your head. You see, this isn't just about looks. It is also about having a discipline and deciding that you are going to put yourself first and care about yourself and further yourself physically. Also, it doesn’t hurt that you are building some muscle. You're leaning out, losing some extra fat. It means you care about your body. These things are all important, and it is going to give you a leg up to the guy that doesn't go to the gym. Another thought I want to pop into your head is this. I work with a lot of men who have ideas about the kinds of women that they want, or maybe they're really struggling with getting a date with the kinds of women that they want because those women are on a completely different level than they are. These women are going to the gym. These women have incredible bodies because they work on their bodies six, seven times a week. They care about what they eat, they're focused on elevating themselves to their highest potential.

 

Are you doing that to? Are you her match?

 

If you want that, you have to be a match for that. If she's making the commitment to care about herself and you go to the gym, are you? And if you're not. Why would she be into you?

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Now consider this. Women who really are successful, you know, physically successful and in their careers. If they are attracted to men who are not on the same level as they are related to personal growth and caring about their bodies. There is a real deficit in that.

Why is she going for someone who's not putting in the work in their lives the way she is? You want to be with a healthy woman who is attracted to and looking for someone who is working to develop themselves just as much as she is. But trust and believe that this isn't about being born on a certain level. You can be a level ten. You just have to put in the work. You can be any level you want. You are certainly not stuck where you are. You want to date ten out of ten women? Great. Amazing. Awesome. Let's do it. But what are you doing to become a ten out of ten yourself? Are you going to the gym? Are you working on that part of yourself?

 

 

Question #2

Why match with me and then say nothing? I mean, what is the point of matching if you're just going to ghost? This is getting really frustrating.

 

The number one thing I want to say is don't get frustrated.

And the easy answer is you literally need to move on to the next one.

 

Let's dive a little bit deeper into the psychology behind why she might match with you and then not message or ghost. It is likely this woman is swiping on many profiles. She is also likely getting many matches. She's likely getting many messages.

 

There's a big chance she didn't message you back when she matched with you is because she's focused on another match.

 

That's okay. Don't blow up in her messages, or let her know your frustrations. Don't ruin your chances by sending a vicious message.

 

If she matches with you and then doesn't respond to your initial message, you can't take it personal. She knows nothing about you.

 

Another reason why she might not respond is she looked at your photos once she thought that you'd be a decent match or someone to try, so she matches. Then you send a message and maybe the message in combination with what she's seeing on your profile, she thinks, this isn't going to work. Or, I don't want to invest in this.

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Let me explain. Let's say your pictures are so-so. She's not totally attracted or something that you wrote on your bio is just bland. Nothing to draw her in, but you seem okay. She's going to swipe on you and then you say, Hey, how's it going? That's too much. She's already over it.

 

Let me tell you why.

 

Hey, how's it going? Is a generic message. It doesn't show that there's any investment from you. And if she's already on the fence, if she's already on the fence, though, and then you give her that bland, generic message that your message doesn't pull her in, doesn't show investment, doesn't intrigue her.

 

She's going to be like, he's not invested. He hasn't piqued my interest at all. I'm not feeling anything, so I'm just not going to respond. It's not worth my time. I don't feel like going through the whole, Oh, you know, my day was good. I went to work waiting for the response, having you give another generic response. My day was good, too. Back and forth. Back and forth.

 

So. It's not as simple as she matched with me. She should continue to message me. She's in her head, she's thinking too much about all the negative possibilities (which stems from an attempt at protecting herself). Your goal is to get her out of her head. The number one thing you can do to avoid this problem is to have really good dating profile photos. That's something that we can help you with through coaching. Go into the coaching packages and you can find the dating profile overhaul. We can get you some good results, some good matches by just changing what you have on your profile. Click here.

 

Another explanation is she's just bored with it. And dating dating apps, as you well know, can be a grind. And she doesn't feel like putting in the effort and because it doesn't seem like you're putting the effort in. So that first message and those follow up messages, there's a strategy to it. You can't just keep with the mundane, even if your intention is to keep her engaged and to show that you're interested in her.

 

How was your day? You know, what kind of food do you like?

 

This shit is boring. There are different types of women who are going to entertain questions like that. But sooner or later other men will intrigue her more with better messages. Besides, a woman who has her life together doesn't have time for letting you know what her favorite food is and how her day was and how she enjoyed the weather on a dating app. She is shit she has to get done. So make her laugh. Ask her something really pointed and really specific about something she has on her profile that other people are not doing and put some intention behind it and then ask her out a few messages in.

 

Don't go more than three days with back and forth messaging before asking her out. Show that intention. Go after it. Ask her out. Get off the app.

 

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Question #3

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This next question I get from a lot of the guys that I work with, they're really wanting to know How do I know who to approach?

 

How do I know if she has a boyfriend? How do I know if she's going to say yes if I go up and talk to her? How do I know she's not going to laugh in my face? How do I know she's not going to ignore me?

 

I'm going to give you the simple answer again: approach everyone.

 

Approach everyone that you want to approach. And approach within, 5 to 10 seconds. Don't wait. Because the longer you wait, the more you get in your head and the more you censor yourself and overthink. The censoring yourself is what leads to you being creepy and awkward. Creepy is, I'm looking at her from across the room over and over again. And I'm not approaching her. I'm viewing her from a distance. That's creepy. Approaching is not creepy. Awkward is censoring yourself in your head and then stumbling on your words because you've censored yourself.

 

So just approach her, I mean, and some general rules of thumb... If you see a wedding ring or you've seen her with a guy that night, it's probably not a good idea to approach her. If she has a wedding ring on, it's probably going to go nowhere. And if she's with a guy, you never know, it could be like her brother, her cousin. It could be her friend. She might not even be into the guy. But usually it's most likely someone she's on a date with.

 

When you do approach her, I want you to keep in mind that her response largely is more about her than it is about you. You don't know what kind of day she's been having. Maybe she's got some work stressor going on, or she's lost her job. You don't know. Maybe she was even just broken up with. Don't let her response tell you not to continue to approach women.

 

Let me give you a personal example where the approach didn't go well, and why.

 

A guy will come up and say hi, and I can tell he's a little anxious (which is totally fine). But the problem is, he lets his anxiety get the best of him. H will say, hi, how's it going? And I'll say, it's going well. And then he'll just kind of stand there and smile at me and not say anything else. This puts me in a position to take the lead. This is where things go wrong. Why she doesn't see you as more than a friend. You shouldn't expect her to lead. So if you approach her, make sure you are keeping the conversation going past the initial hello. And it's not that hard because you don't even need to know what the next what the second or third or fourth line is going to be, because you can use cues from your environment as you move along. You can improv.

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Here's an example:

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You go up to her, you say, hey, how's it going? And she says, it's it's going well. Don't go inside your head and try and figure out what to say next. Look around you. What does she have in her hand? Is she wearing a necklace? Does she have a drink? Is she eating? Does she have a menu in front of her? Do you like her shoes?

 

Pro-tip Speak specifically to something she's wearing in a positive way. Let me let me remind you. Don't say something like, wow, that's a really different shirt you're wearing, because she may take that as you don't like it. Just stick with something simple, a simple compliment, something positive, and then go from there.

 

If you don't want to speak specifically about her, even though that's a good recommendation, that's my best advice. Talk about how busy the place is. Ask her if she comes here a lot. Ask her if she has a recommendation about something to choose on the menu. Use your environment to help you speak to her. Don't try to decode her when you're first meeting her.

 

Back to the initial question, who do I approach? Don't approach people with rings. Don't approach people and date approach everyone else! Period.

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Question #4

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How do I touch her without being creepy and when to know if it's okay to touch her?

 

Things like, how do I move into the physical space? How do I hold her hand? How do I know if she's open to being touched?

 

Are awesome questions because there's a really concrete answer for this. Here's an example.

 

Let's say you're getting up to go to the bathroom. You can lightly put your hand on her back, the upper back of her shoulder, and as you do lean in and say, I'll be right back. This is a way to lean into her and break that physical barrier between the two of you. Notice how she reacts or responds, does she pull back?

 

Now maybe for a second date, or the first, if you're confident with your chemistry with her and you're feeling like she's really relaxed and open. If she's been leaning into you, she's giving you really heavy eye contact. Maybe she's already touched you, on the knee or something like that. You can touch her on the shoulder. You can touch the tips of her hair. But remember if her hair is long and it's like toward her boobs, you don't want to be grabbing her hair, so you're also touching her boob.

 

I think it's always a good idea to go in for a hug on the first meet. When you're going on a date, you're not in the friendzone. So it's important to to break that touch barrier. A hug certainly can be seen as platonic and certainly is not something sexual if you don't want it to be. So go in for that hug.

 

Sometimes this will happen with a hug to make it awkward: a man will go in for a hug, and she is going in for the hug in the opposite way. He's putting his right arm up. And she's putting her left arm up, so both of their hands are going up on the same side in the high five type motion. Instead of them being on opposite sides like a hug naturally happens.

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The problem begins when the man pulls back and awkwardly switches arms. Immediately she is switching arms too. And then it just becomes like this dance where they can't get in for the hug. If you're going in for the hug with your right arm in and she goes in with the wrong arm and do not switch. Continue to go in. Commit to the hug. 

 

What happens if you go in for the hug, and then you pull back trying to fix the hug but then she's also doing the same thing so you just can't get the HUG RIGHT it's an instant attraction killer. Just commit to the hug. Let her be the one to be to be correcting. You're the strong energy, the masculine energy. Who's guiding the hug? Who's the one who's initiating the hug?

 

 

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Question #5

 

We had such a great date, why did I never hear from her again?

 

I hear this question often. A lot of men are feeling confused because they feel their date was enjoyable, and went well, what happened? The only real explanation here (unless she died) would be that the date didn't actually go as well as you thought, or she didn't feel a connection.

 

So the question is, why is there such a disconnect between how you felt the date went, and how she experienced the date to be? Perhaps it's because you weren't as aware and in the moment as you thought you were. 

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Sure, you may be aware of what she's wearing and how she looks. And you might love what she's talking about, but you're not actually in the energy of the moment. You're not actually recognizing that she keeps averting her gaze, that she keeps her arms crossed. You're not recognizing that she keeps looking in her purse, maybe looking at her phone. She's gone to the bathroom six times. You're not noticing that when you're talking she's just going mmhmmm and isn't really hearing you or responding or engaging in the conversation.

 

Maybe you're doing all the talking and you're really excited to share with her things about yourself and and to talk with her. But you're not realizing that she's not invested in the conversation.

 

Some really good work that gets done in coaching is helping men understand how to be more in tune with a woman. A man will go on a date, he'll tell me how it went, and we will walk through all of the pieces.

 

From recognizing her body language, understanding how much you're giving versus how much she's giving. How open is she really being and being able to match that. Making sure the date is balanced between her investment, and yours. 

 

There is a lot of work that can be done if you feel like you're going on a lot of first dates but then getting ghosted, or flaked on by women, never being able to actually set up a second or third date.

 

Another reason why you think you had a great date but then you never hear from her again could be because she is simply too in her own head. She is in her own mind over thinking everything.

 

She's in her head thinking: your shoes weren't right, your job isn't right. You talk too fast. You were too eager.

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There's something that's blocking her from being open to a meaningful connection. So she's using something as simple as your outfit as an excuse to keep the connection from happening. She likely has no idea she is doing this.

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But don't let this get you down.

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There really are, as cliché as this sounds, many fish in the sea. What holds you from finding your fish is focusing on the girl that ghosted you after the first date-that is holding you back!

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Are YOU struggling with any of the above 5 top questions about women? Want some personalized support? Book your coaching session today.