How do I become a good dater?

How do I get women to want to date me?

Why do women always say no when I ask them out?

There’s something wrong with me, that’s why I’ve always been single.

 

Have you ever asked yourself these questions?

 

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These are some of the most common questions I get asked as a men’s dating coach.

 

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These questions are misguided. They are the wrong questions.

 

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The only question you should be asking yourself is “what is the difference between me, and a guy who is a good dater, a guy who gets a lot of dates?”

 

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Ready for this answer?

 

The only difference between you and a good dater is that a good dater doesn’t let a woman saying no to a date define who he is.

 

The only difference between a man who struggles to get a date and a man who is a good dater is the good dater doesn’t stop and dwell on the one woman who said no to a date. He doesn’t think twice about the woman he wanted to pursue romantically but didn’t want to be anything more than friends.

 

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He looks forward. He looks to the future. He respects her decision, and realizes it is more about her than it is about him.

 

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Want more depth than this?

 

Consider that you keep getting rejected by women because you are pursuing the wrong ones.

 

There’s a possibility that deep inside you there is a belief that you don’t deserve a wonderful relationship. If this is your belief, you will keep attracting women who are not romantically compatible with you. This way, you won’t be in a position to develop the romantic relationship you don’t believe you are worthy of having.

 

Mind blown?

 

Let’s dive a little further. Do you know what the subconscious is? The subconscious is a part of our mind that we are not consciously aware of. This part of our mind can determine how we behave and the way we interact with others, without us even being aware of it! So as in the above example, if deep down you don’t think you are worthy of a wonderful woman’s love, you are going to be attracted to, and behave in ways that keep you from ever being in a relationship!

 

So what’s the fix?

 

The first order of business is to use thought stopping to interrupt negative thoughts when they come to mind. You have to rid yourself of all the negative self talk. Stop all of the questions and assumptions that imply there is something wrong with you.

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Thought stopping involves saying “stop it” when a negative or self-hating thought comes to mind.

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This seems overly simplistic. This is the reaction I get from most clients. But you have to start at step 1.  You cannot skip the foundational work, the inner work.  (Click here to see the full order of coaching steps). Step 1 involves clearing your negative mental energy. Negative mental energy that determines the course you will follow in your life.

 

Start with step 1. Do this daily, multiple times per day, until it becomes a habit. Until you have rid yourself of your negativity and hatred toward yourself. Set reminders in your phone. Put up post it notes to remind yourself. Do. It!

 

The next order of business keep asking women on dates. Do not let a few 'no’s' stop you. Do not let a turned down offer for a date define you in any way.

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You can do this!

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